When Healing Feels Like Going Backward

No one warns you that healing can look like falling apart.

You expect progress to feel like forward motion; better sleep, fewer meltdowns, calmer days. You brace yourself for the hard work of therapy, but you quietly hope that once you start, things will begin to smooth out.

And then, instead, everything feels louder.

Bigger emotions. Less regulation. Interrupted sleep. Changes in eating. A child who once seemed to be “doing better” suddenly looks like they’re unraveling.

This is where many parents panic.

This is where we wonder if we’re doing something wrong.

This is where we ask ourselves, Why does it feel worse now?

But this is also where we are reminded of a truth that trauma-informed care has been telling us for years:

But the hard truth is healing is not linear.

Why Trauma Healing Often Looks Like a Backward Step

When a child experiences abuse, their body learns how to survive a threat. Even long after the danger has passed, their nervous system stays on high alert. This is not a choice, it’s biology.

Research in child trauma consistently shows that when children begin trauma-focused therapy, especially evidence-based treatments like TF-CBT; symptoms often intensify before they improve. Sleep disturbances, emotional dysregulation, appetite changes, and behavioral regression are common and expected responses.

Why?

Because therapy often brings a child back into contact with memories, sensations, and emotions that their brain had carefully tucked away to keep them functioning. When therapy takes place in the same building as forensic interviews or advocacy centers, the body remembers...even when the mind doesn’t fully understand.

The threat may be gone.

But the body hasn’t caught up yet.

So it sounds the alarm.

Not because the child is unsafe, but because they are finally safe enough to feel.

Regression Is Not Failure. It’s Communication.

What looks like regression is often a nervous system saying:

“I’m overwhelmed.”

“I don’t know how to hold this yet.”

“I need more help than I did before.”

Trauma research tells us that children often move in and out of developmental stages during healing. Skills they once had; emotional regulation, sleep independence, eating patterns, may temporarily disappear under stress. This doesn’t mean those skills are lost. It means the brain is reallocating energy toward processing and integration.

In other words: healing requires work.

And work is exhausting.

What This Looks Like for Parents in the Middle of the Storm

Knowing the research doesn’t make the nights easier.It doesn’t magically restore sleep.It doesn’t calm your own nervous system when your child is spiraling.

So what do we do when we’re living inside the downward curve of healing?

For our family, we cling to Jesus.

Scripture doesn’t promise us a storm-free life, but it does promise us a Savior who steps into the boat.

When the disciples panicked, Jesus didn’t shame them for their fear. He didn’t accuse them of weak faith. He calmed the storm. And Psalm after Psalm reminds us that God sees every tear, counts every one, and never looks away.

There is no regression He is surprised by.

There is no spiral He has abandoned.

There is no night He is not awake with us.

You Are Not Alone. Not Even Here

If you are parenting a child through trauma and wondering if you’re losing ground, please hear this:

You are not failing.

Your child is not broken.

This is not the end of the story.

Healing rarely moves in straight lines. It curves, loops, pauses, and sometimes plunges downward before it rises again. But you are not walking it alone.

At Project Light, we believe that light still shines in the darkness. We believe that Jesus meets families in the middle of their hardest nights. And we believe that even when healing feels like unraveling, God is still gently, faithfully, restoring.

If this is where you are right now, we see you.And we’re walking with you.

With Hope,

The Project Light Team